Six thousand, seven hundred and seventy five people die each day in the United States. Most of them will probably go to heaven if you believe in the heaven and hell concept.

Some others — not so lucky.

But as I get older I wonder about that life after death deal. How exactly would that work?

Sleeping in a suit and tie is not as uncomfortable as one might think. I subscribe to the Boy Scout motto, “Be Prepared.”

What Will The First Day In Heaven Be Like?

Are there really pearly gates? Would I be standing there with the other six thousand or so? I guess they wouldn’t all be there at the same time.

They would die at different times of the day. So let’s do the math.

Twenty-four hours in the day divided into 6,775 would be and average of 283 people each hour rounding it upward.

It would probably look like an America’s Got Talent audition. Some in tuxedos others must have died in Walmart.

I guess there’d be a serpentine line like at Disneyland or the airport. Metal detectors? Probably not.

OK, I’m In The Gate

In the army we lined up for uniforms and weapons. I wonder if heaven will be the same way — without the weapons I suppose.

I guess you’d get the white robes and wings? Or do you have to wait for a bell to ring to get your wings? Would I be an angel first class.

Is there an orientation on how to get around the place? Will there be snacks? Is there housing or just hanging around on clouds all day?

I guess if there are movies they’ll be G rated. But I could get to see “Who’s On First” live — Or?

Will I meet my dead relatives right away like a big reunion or just the main characters to begin with?

Will all my dead pets be there? Will I have to have plastic bags on hand? Not that miserable cat I hope. I still have scars. Or, will those go away in heaven?

I wonder how they do announcements? OK, he’s going down to earth. I mean there must be a few billion people there?

Will there be Grateful Dead concerts? Any chance I can meet Elvis?

Is there a sales tax? Can I get the flashy car I always wanted?

Is there a caste system? Do the goodie-goodies get all the good stuff? Would I be expected to grow a beard?

Are the streets really paved with gold? If that’s the case I guess I wouldn’t have to take it with me.

Some Final Thoughts

So much to think about and so little time. I’m sure by the time I get there they’ll have all the bugs worked out and it’ll be a smooth transition.

In this season of naughty and nice you might want to pay a little more attention to the nice part. It might get you closer to the front of the line.

What do you think your first day will be like?

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