The Husband’s Guide to Christmas Shopping In Montana

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(Photo by Stephen Chernin/Getty Images)

It’s no accident that Christmas coming right after hunting season. Men are in hunt mode and it’s a beautiful thing to watch and learn from.

When men hunt they hope to find the perfect elk or deer. But when they spot one, perfect or not, they take the shot. A deer is a deer; an elk is an elk.

They might see a better one on the way home but the limit has been reached.

How To Hunt In The Malls of Montana

While hunting you also have to be very aware of traps. Malls are filled with them to snare the unknowing, uneducated, shopper.

Here are some tips on what to avoid in the mall and come home with a clean kill — the wife’s perfect gift.

Beware of the Buy One Get One Free – Unless you know the original price of the item there is no way to judge if it’s any kind of deal. Plus if it’s a gift she won’t like you’ve got two of them.
Know Your Trail: Retailers pay big bucks to psychologists to predict in-store behavior of customers. The store layout is designed to move you in the right directions. When customers enter a store they almost always go to the right. Who knows why — maybe right handed has something to do with it or driving on the right side of the street. That’s where you’ll find the high priced stuff. Keep walking.
Your 8 Point Buck is the Clearance Rack: Clearance items are commonly in the back of the store. Think of all the high priced stuff you’re passing to get there are like duck calls — and you’re the duck. Focus on your target.
Impulse Buys Are Like Wasted Ammo: Your allotted budget for Christmas shopping is your ammo. Anything you get the impulse to buy, unless it’s something she’s going to rave about to her mother, stays on the rack.
Focus On Your Target: Your rifle-scope doesn’t have a wide-angle lens. It’s very focused just on the target shutting everything else out around it. Survey your terrain. Once you spot the target go for it.

Women shop for the perfect gift for each person. They’ll examine many possibilities. Until they find the perfect item.

Men on the other hand are looking for the first perfect gift. Once they find it while there might be more perfect gifts out there the kill is made and the hunt is done.

If an error is made — Valentine’s Day is just 8 weeks away.

Some Final Thoughts

What would make shopping easier for males is a clear definition of size. Women’s sizes start a zero and go up from there. What’s a 7/8 anyway? Who even knows what that is?

We do know what C and Double D’s are. But we don’t usually give those as gifts.

So our best bet is to size up the female salesperson and have a somewhat uncomfortable conversation about height and weight.

So as you head out this week be sure to keep your wits about you. Don’t fall for the hype and merchandising. Those are just another form of duck blinds to lure you closer.

Taking cash is probably better than credit cards. You’ll stay within budget and not have a big bill show up in January.

What are some of your favorite shopping tips?

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