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If You Need a Joke For St. Patrick’s Day

NEW YORK, NY – MARCH 16: Revelers cross Fifth Avenue during the 252nd annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade March 16, 2013 in New York City. The parade honors the patron saint of Ireland and was held for the first time in New York on March 17, 1762, 14 years before the signing of the Declaration of Independence. (Photo by Ramin Talaie/Getty Images)

While St. Patrick’s Day might be best known for above average alcohol consumption and the wearing of the green it’s also a religious holiday. The Catholic Church, Eastern Orthodox Church, Lutheran Church, Anglican Communion (especially the Church of Ireland), made the day an official holiday in the seventeenth century.

Who Was St. Patrick and Why Do I Care?

St. Patrick (AD 385-461) is the most recognized patron saint of Ireland and St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated as the “Feast of St. Patrick.” It’s observed every March 17th as the date most historians believed was the date of his death. Those who observe Lent are given the day off from alcohol restrictions. While large amounts of alcohol are consumed on St. Patrick’s Day, it’s not the biggest drinking day of the year. That date is awarded to Thanksgiving Eve.

Some Corny St. Patty’s Jokes to Tell Around The Water Cooler

  • I went out drinking on St Patrick’s Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
  • What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day? BOOs
  • Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Regular rocks are just too heavy.
  • How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms.
  • What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four girlfriends drinking on St. Patrick’s Day.
  • What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? A bachelor.
  • What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk at the party.
  • What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? The Halfback of Notre Dame.
  • What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland? A sham rock.
  • Drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day. It counts as a vegetable.
  • My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn’t know what I was talkin about.
  • Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf Clovers? Because you don’t want to press your luck.

Some Final Thoughts

You can’t officially celebrate St. Patrick’s Day without a toast or two. Here are a couple favorites.

  • “Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one.”
  • And probably the best known: “May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

Thanks to “St. Patrick’s Day One-Liners Jokes” for these jokes and toasts. Visit their web site for the ones I couldn’t post. Happy St. Patrick’s Day Everyone!!

Read or Subscribe to all Tom Egelhoff’s Blog Posts by Clicking Here.

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