Friday Fun Facts About Vampires

Christopher Lee as Dracula, from the film 'Dracula Has Risen From The Grave' - (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

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Vampires have been with us since Bram Stoker penned the first popular book about vampires called, “Dracula” in 1897.

A host of actors have portrayed the bloodsucking villain over the years including Max Schreck, the first Dracula in silent movies in 1922, Bela Lugosi, arguably the best Dracula, John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr., Christopher Lee, George Hamilton, Gary Oldman, Gerard Butler, and Luke Evans.

But there is much more to this hickey fetish weirdo than meets the neck.

Fun Facts About Vampires

You might not recognize the name “Alucard.” It’s an undercover name. It’s Dracula spelled backwards. That should hold Van Helsing off for a while.
Think you might be a vampire? If so you might be suffering from “porphyria” or the “vampire” or “Dracula” disease. Causes extreme sensitivity to sunlight, hairlessness, stained reddish brown teeth, and the really good news you could go insane. Not necessarily in that order.
Hot ladies usually do everything they can to stay that way. Countess Elizabeth Bathory (1560-1614) enjoyed bathing in the blood of young girls she bit and tortured to keep those high cheekbones. Those in the know say she was a true “hottie.”
Vlad the Impaler (1431-1476) was a party animal. If you enjoy skinning your enemies alive and dipping your bread in their blood. He was also very creative like nailing peoples hats to their heads and impaling them on tall stakes. Even though he ended up being murdered — wait for it — his tomb is empty. He resembled my high school math teacher.
While vampires are cool, zombies have it a little better. Even though they have lower IQ’s than vampires, zombies go for flesh AND brains not just blood. And even though they are slower due to their rotting muscles, they can go in churches, probably have a reflection, and have no real problems with fire or sunlight. All things considered.
A vampire’s ability to turn into a bat, rat, owl, moth, fox or wolf can have its perks. However all but the owl will have exterminators looking for you. You might consider changing into puppies.
If you are bitten by a vampire don’t worry there are things you can do. First you want to drink the ashes of a burned vampire. Should be easy to find one of those. Or the next best thing is to bake a quick loaf of bread with vampire blood. See Betty Crocker home recipes for spices and cooking times.

Some Final Thoughts

I guess being undead isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Immortality does come with a hefty price tag.

So while you are watching your back you might also watch your neck. A garlic necklace might not do much for your love life but consider the alternative.

Don’t worry — there’s no such thing as vampires. Right?

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