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Millennials Are Slowly Destroying Bozeman

Students Plan Walkout At Columbia University
(Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

I shouldn’t limit my headline to just Bozeman. Belgrade, Livingston, Three Forks and Manhattan are far from being immune from this growing menace.

First Things First – What Are Millennials?

Millennials are defined as those aged between 18 and 34 as of 2015. They now outnumber Baby Boomers (ages 51-69) born between the years of 1946 to 1964.

There are 75.4 million Millennials in the US currently. Not sure if illegals are counted in that or not.

Baby boomers by contrast were only 74.9 million.

So How Are Millennials Destroying Bozeman?

I’m normally not one to chastise an entire group of people but the evidence and damage being caused by Millennials is undeniable.

Millennials are not being real Americans. They are not embracing the American Dream. They are not living baseball, Mom and apple pie.

Allow me to elaborate.

Take a trip to your local McDonald’s, a fortune 500 company on the New York Stock Exchange for God’s sake. Everyone’s pension, IRA, and retirement plan has some McDonald’s stock in it.

Do you see any Millennials chowing down on the McDonald’s food pyramid? What about Applebee’s?

Do you see any Millennials wolfing down any of Applebee’s delicious 1,400-calorie menu specials? Not on your life.

They’re also marrying later and choosing not to reproduce. That’s unacceptable to their unborn children waiting patiently for the American Dream.

Plus by not being married and shacking up they skate around the Marriage Penalty when it comes to paying taxes. According to Joe Biden not paying your fair share of taxes is really Un-American.

We’re Talking About Saving The Economy Here

Millennials are eating organic. Who does that? Who wants a gluten free cake topped with some organic, low-fat, sugar-free, ice cream?

Applebee’s and McDonald’s, along with all the jobs they provide, could be on a short, slippery, slope to bankruptcy if Millennials keep up this outrageous behavior.

Millennials don’t drink soft drinks but favor natural fruit flavored drinks — it makes them feel better about themselves.

Coke, Pepsi, Mountain Dew, 7-UP, … HELLO!

How are prepackaged foods supposed to exist for the rest of us right thinking consumers? Thankfully someone stepped up and saved the Hostess Twinkie.

But Millennials are not opening their pantry’s and gazing upon overflowing stacks of dessert brands, including Ho Ho’s, Fruit Pies, Ding Dongs and Donettes as their American loving parents did.

Who doesn’t like Ho-Ho’s?

And don’t even get me started on breakfast fare.

These Millennials Are Killing Your Dollar

The stock market may be over 22,000 but think about your pension, retirement, and 401(k). For every point these companies go down in price — you suffer.

Goodbye retirement — Thank you Millennials.

Some Final Thoughts

Only you, dear readers, can save the day. I understand we all want to be healthy. And diet is an important part of that equation.

Fine, have a Diet Coke with your Super Sized Double Quarter Pounder w/Cheese, fries, and hot apple turnover if it makes you feel better.

Pass on the extra 1,500 calorie dessert every 10th visit to Applebee’s.

I’m not asking for the moon here.

If we all chip in and add just a few hundred more grams of sugar each day (But not to your kids) I promise you’ll sleep more soundly and Twinkies’s will never be off the shelves again.

This movement is way more important than global warming, saving the whales, saving the snail darter or trashing property while demonstrating how much you love this country.

It’s time to put on your big girl pants and step up to the plate. If we all work together we can change Millennials one mind at a time.

The need is now, the time is now, and you’re needed now. Ho-Ho’s Matter.

Take a Millennial out to lunch — Plenty of seating at McDonald’s. Order the full calorie leaded Coke — free refills.

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