Graphic by Tom Egelhoff

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According to Wikipedia, the term “Political Correctness” began in the 1990s and was first used by right wing conservative politicians, “… to describe the attitude or policy of being careful not to offend or upset any group of people in society who are believed to have a disadvantage.”

I would guess if you asked 100 people on the street which party has made a living using political correctness they would not answer conservatives.

So if you are unintentionally offending some people being politically incorrect here are the correct terms you should be using to correct your political correctitude. (Yes, it’s a word; look it up.)

Fun Political Correctness Titles and Phrases

  • An Alcoholic – would be a Anti-Sobriety Activist
  • People do not have Body Odor – they have Nondiscretionary Fragrance.
  • Don’t call people Bums – they are Involuntarily Domiciled
  • The word Corpse seems colder than - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass. Terminally Inconvenienced is also permissible.
  • Crackpot seems cruel – use certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist instead.
  • Dirty Old Man is too vague - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual works better.
  • Drunk has no empathy – Use Spacially Perplexed
  • Full of Crap is rude – Try Fecally Plenary
  • Isn’t Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living?
  • Ignorant (No) - Factually Unencumbered (Yes) Honorable mention: Knowledge-based Non-Possessor
  • Loser – A uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path
  • A Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option
  • Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form
  • Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist
  • Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced
  • Don’t feel bad if you’re Unemployed – Think of yourself as Involuntarily Leisured
  • Vagrant - Nonspecifically destinationed individual
  • Vice President - Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World (That should get me on the no-fly list)
  • Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices
  • If you think I’m wrong – you are just differently logical

Some Final Thoughts

As I relax in my lower extremity elevating reposing device (recliner), with my Rat Terrier-American dog, drinking a CO2 activated beverage, enjoying some lower extremity sports (football), I’m reflecting on some frozen hydrogen oxygen mixture activity in the coming days. What are you up to?

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